The Fentanyl Files: Zachary's Story

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[00:02:54] Content warning. This episode contains discussion of topics related to addiction,

[00:03:00] drug use and abuse and the death of a young man.

[00:03:05] It's important to remember that Zachary Kane,

[00:03:09] Peter Statt was still only starting out in life on that dark morning in January when it all ended.

[00:03:17] He was an animal lover, a loyal friend, a lovable son, grandchild nephew and cousin.

[00:03:23] He was gentle and funny and capable of insights that showed a wisdom beyond his years.

[00:03:29] He was only 19. He should have had time to figure everything out.

[00:03:34] Instead, unfortunately, he took a pill. That percussed pill was laced with fentanyl.

[00:03:41] That fentanyl caused Zachary to overdose and die, leaving his family and friends in anguish.

[00:03:48] And the story gets even worse from there. The facts of how Zachary obtained that deadly pill came

[00:03:55] out slowly but the truth did emerge. More lives would soon be shattered.

[00:04:01] Today, we're going to talk about Zachary. We'll talk about who he was,

[00:04:06] along with what happened to him. We'll hear all that from someone who loved him very much.

[00:04:12] Before we begin, let's take a moment to speak about the substance that killed him

[00:04:17] and the structure by which that substance is funneled into communities across the United States.

[00:04:24] We will include links to our sources for this information,

[00:04:27] namely the Drug Enforcement Administration and the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention.

[00:04:33] fentanyl is a synthetic opioid, first synthesized by Belgian physician Paul Janssen in 1959.

[00:04:41] fentanyl first arrived in the United States in 1968 and was then used as a general anesthetic.

[00:04:48] Even today it can be used legally in medical settings for pain management or sedation.

[00:04:54] But this drug is more known today because of its role in the epidemic of synthetic opioid deaths

[00:05:00] in the United States. The first community to deal with addiction issues around fentanyl was

[00:05:05] the medical community itself, decades before it became a major public health issue.

[00:05:10] But according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, fentanyl has played the biggest

[00:05:15] role in the wider opioid epidemic since 2016. That's because it's cheap and more accessible

[00:05:21] for dealers which was important once it became harder to get certain prescription drugs.

[00:05:27] Today there's an international pipeline for this drug to state demand in the United States

[00:05:32] entities in China develop fentanyl precursors which then make their way to Mexican drug cartels

[00:05:38] who then manufacture fentanyl and smuggle it into the United States. From there it's trafficked

[00:05:43] all around and sold locally pressed into pills and it takes many different forms on the street.

[00:05:49] Fetanyl is highly potent and is often mixed into other drugs like heroin or cocaine.

[00:05:54] It takes very little fentanyl to kill a person. Now everyone's different because we're talking

[00:06:00] about illegal narcotics, there's no quality control. All of this makes fentanyl quite uniquely dangerous.

[00:06:08] This has become such a big problem that we actually think it's important for everyone to know the

[00:06:12] science of an opioid overdose. Those include loss of consciousness, pinpoint pupils,

[00:06:19] slow or non-existent breathing, cold clammy or discolored skin.

[00:06:23] Medicines like naloxone or Narcan can save a person experiencing fentanyl overdose.

[00:06:30] This drug is so powerful though that sometimes multiple hits of Narcan are needed to prevent death.

[00:06:36] Preventive measures like education are also quite important. Fetanyl affects many people

[00:06:42] who are already drug addicts who know what they're taking. But with the advent of fentanyl-laced

[00:06:47] pills, it also affects people especially young people who might believe they're taking another drug

[00:06:54] entirely or who may not be fully aware of the dangers of fentanyl. We feel that fentanyl deaths

[00:07:01] are somewhat undercovered in the true crime space which tends to focus on more traditional homicide

[00:07:06] deaths. We also believe that our audience is more likely to lose a loved one or know someone

[00:07:12] affected by this epidemic than to deal with a murder in their own lives. So we want to talk about

[00:07:19] this. Let's get into the legality surrounding this drug. Indiana's law on dealing in a controlled

[00:07:25] substance resulting in death went into effect in 2018. That's highly relevant for fentanyl. Here's

[00:07:32] what that law says. A, a person who knowingly or intentionally manufacturers or delivers

[00:07:40] a controlled substance or controlled substance analog in violation of dealing in cocaine

[00:07:45] or narcotic drug, dealing in methanphetamine, manufacturing methanphetamine, or dealing in a

[00:07:51] schedule one, two, or three controlled substance, that when the controlled substance is used, injected,

[00:07:58] inhaled, absorbed, or ingested, results in the death of a human being who used the controlled

[00:08:04] substance, commits dealing in a controlled substance resulting in death, a level one felony. B,

[00:08:10] a person who knowingly or intentionally manufacturers or delivers a controlled substance that when the controlled

[00:08:16] substance is used, injected, inhaled, absorbed or ingested, results in the death of a human being

[00:08:21] who use the controlled substance, commits dealing in a controlled substance resulting in death,

[00:08:27] a level 2 felony. See, a person who knowingly or intentionally manufactures or delivers a controlled

[00:08:33] substance involving a synthetic drug, a synthetic drug lookalike substance, a controlled substance

[00:08:38] analog, or a substance represented to be a controlled substance. That when the controlled substance is

[00:08:45] used injected and hailed absorbed or ingested results in the death of a human being who used the

[00:08:50] controlled substance, commits dealing in a controlled substance resulting in death, a level 3 felony.

[00:08:56] D, it is not a defense to an offense described in the section that the human being died.

[00:09:01] One, after voluntarily using injecting, inhaling, absorbing or ingesting a controlled substance

[00:09:07] or controlled substance analog, or two, as a result of using the controlled substance or controlled

[00:09:13] substance analog in combination with alcohol or another controlled substance or with any other

[00:09:19] compound mixture, diluent or substance. So that law is basically saying that even though a person

[00:09:27] might have taken some kind of illicit drug, knowingly, willingly, that doesn't matter if they die,

[00:09:36] whoever gave it to them may be on the hook legally speaking and may be facing felony charges.

[00:09:43] But of course, it's one thing to have a law on the books. It's another thing to enforce that law

[00:09:48] against a tide of addiction and illicit substances and people caught up in this drug trade

[00:09:53] and our broken healthcare system. We want to unpack a lot of this. This episode will launch

[00:09:59] our new ongoing series, The Fentanyl Files. We'll be striving to talk to figures on all sides of

[00:10:04] the issue, prosecutors and defense attorneys, police investigators, mental health and medical professionals,

[00:10:11] community advocates. Those with a history of selling or taking these drugs, surviving loved ones

[00:10:17] of people lost to this crisis. So this is just the beginning. We want to shine a spotlight on

[00:10:23] the crisis from a variety of angles. So if you have a story, reach out. My name is Ania Keane. I'm a

[00:10:29] journalist and I'm Kevin Greenley. I'm an attorney. And this is The Murder Sheet. We're a true crime

[00:10:36] podcast focused on original reporting, interviews and deep dives into murder cases. We're The Murder Sheet.

[00:10:43] And this is The Fentanyl Files, Zachary's Story.

[00:11:06] The beginning of this episode, we mentioned that we are going to be speaking with someone who

[00:11:34] loves Zachary very much. That person is his aunt, Melanie Pochec. She's an elementary school

[00:11:42] administrator, a smart and passionate person with a strong connection to her family. Their lives

[00:11:48] were forever altered when Zachary died after taking a fentanyl-laced pill. Since Zachary's death,

[00:11:55] Melanie has immersed herself in studying the fentanyl crisis. She wants to share what she and

[00:12:00] her loved ones have gone through to educate other families before tragedy strikes. Melanie,

[00:12:07] before we get started about what happened, can you tell us about Zachary just what he was like?

[00:12:31] What he was like to try to make sure that he was well taken care of. He loved when he was little,

[00:12:35] he loved cars the movie. He always would act with lightning with queen. He would always act. Can we

[00:12:41] watch cars as a movie? He would say. And he just loved, he wanted to collect every single one of those.

[00:12:47] Can we go to Target? Target was like his other big thing. Can we go to Target? He wanted to collect

[00:12:52] every single little toy figurine and Disney really knows how to get you out because they had

[00:12:58] the dirty lightning queen. They had the super speed lightning queen. They had in that cat every

[00:13:02] one of them. He loved that. He was so smart. He excelled in school. He did, he was a little bit

[00:13:10] ordinary high energy. So he definitely displayed some behaviors in school that would probably be less

[00:13:18] desirable to have in your classroom as a teacher. But he was so smart. As he grew older, he was a

[00:13:25] magnet for babies, children, all of my cousins' children. And I family loved to be with him.

[00:13:31] He was so funny, enjoyed music and he was a deep thinker too. I just recently was reading

[00:13:37] through some old text messages. I walked to like read back on our conversations and he just

[00:13:42] randomly one day was talking about the water supply and just like like some pretty like deep thinking

[00:13:48] about I don't know our financial system and water and just all kinds of different things that

[00:13:52] he would be thinking about. He was so loving and compassionate and most of all he was funny.

[00:13:56] He had a great relationship with my dad, his papa, along with my son, his only cousin. And

[00:14:02] oftentimes he would text my son and I and just you know, Pope Little's jab that at papa and kind

[00:14:08] of share funny things that were going on. And he just had a great sense of humor and seems

[00:14:12] lighthearted in most most areas. He was a great friend to his friends and a great, you know,

[00:14:18] he was a great nephew and great family member and we loved everything about him and obviously

[00:14:22] missed him dearly. He sounds like a great kid. I mean just the way you're talking about him,

[00:14:27] like the way your voice lights up talking about him is just you know. I will say that all of

[00:14:31] the great things without him, you know, there's turtles and he had, you know, like I said,

[00:14:35] he has some behavior issues and he had gotten into some trouble in high school,

[00:14:40] had pursued like alternative education through the school but again, in he survived

[00:14:47] in the capacity where a capacity which he could learn on his own. I remember one time he came back

[00:14:52] from like an extended time away from school because of some behavior issues and he was able to

[00:14:59] complete a week, a semester of chemistry in like three weeks, what's in his owner's degree

[00:15:04] plus? So that just kind of goes to show you kind of where his level of intelligence was when he

[00:15:10] put his mind to say. Absolutely. I mean some kids are not going to be served by the traditional

[00:15:15] schooling apparatus. That's just maybe not their personality, not where their strengths are and

[00:15:20] you know, I think it sounds like he was thriving in his own way, you know, educationally just taking

[00:15:27] an alternate path. I guess you know, in terms of his hopes for the future, do you have a sense of

[00:15:34] sort of what he wanted to do as he's kind of, you know, becoming a young adult? He had graduated from

[00:15:40] high school before he passed and most recently, he was talking about possibly going to

[00:15:45] flight school. That was something that was kind of intriguing to him and we had looked into

[00:15:50] programs where in north with Indiana so we had looked into some things at the Griffith Airport

[00:15:54] but that was something that fascinated him. He would also often talk about wanting to own his own

[00:16:00] business. He had talked about some instruction a couple of times and I encouraged him to possibly

[00:16:05] consider joining my co-punters union or some kind of trade. That way he learned the trade and do

[00:16:12] well and then be able to you know, kind of branch out and start his own business. I believe that

[00:16:17] Zachary walked to his own beat and wanted to kind of work for himself which is contradictory

[00:16:21] to the pilot thing but he I think he would have done really well owning his own business working

[00:16:27] for himself and having people you know work with him. Absolutely. Yeah kind of do things your own way

[00:16:33] a little bit. I mean, we own our business so definitely. Yeah I can relate. I loved your

[00:16:41] memories about watching cars and you know target. Do you have any standout memory that kind of comes

[00:16:48] to your mind when you think about Zachary now? You know this is so silly but the most recent

[00:16:55] I mean the standout memory that I have I think about him every time that I pump gas and

[00:17:01] this is so silly but one day we were taking a little road trip. We were actually going to visit

[00:17:06] Zachary's mom and it was Zach and my dad and I and Zach was just like kind of ripping on my dad

[00:17:12] about funny things what she did they gave it they you know pushed each other's buttons all the time

[00:17:17] and kind of threw jabs at each other and he was making fun of my dad you know when you go to the

[00:17:22] gap station and you maybe you fill up your tank and it gets to like $19 and 82 cents how you

[00:17:29] like try to get that last like you get to $20 you want to round it up or whatever. So he was like

[00:17:35] talking about how my dad did that and not that he just rounds up to $20 but he would like

[00:17:40] try to squeeze in an extra whole gallon and he's like yeah you know pop will be out there like

[00:17:44] shake in the car to make sure the gas goes down and he's more in it and sure enough we stop at a gas

[00:17:50] station and sure enough my dad was doing that with the car and Zach and I were sitting in the car

[00:17:55] just absolutely laughing hysterically about what Zach had said you know 20 minutes prior so now

[00:18:02] that's just something that I kind of chuckled myself every time that I go to the gas station and it

[00:18:07] seems like something so trivial and trivial and silly but that is like the standout memory that I

[00:18:13] have of him. I love that I love that it's been it means he's like a profit right there

[00:18:18] and and it speaks to you know his observations and his is uh sent a humor.

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[00:19:36] at meta.com slash metaverse impact. I wanted to ask you know in terms of you know you mentioned

[00:19:46] some of his struggles did he did he struggle with drugs at all does was that something that was more

[00:19:51] experimental for him or did you know I'm sure that stuff you kind of found out about afterwards

[00:19:57] any any insights on on that as far as his life. I would say that I absolutely was aware that

[00:20:04] he had experimented with marijuana smoking marijuana. I am not in any way advocating that

[00:20:11] it you know I'm in Indiana it's illegal in Indiana I'm not advocating that at all but I also don't

[00:20:16] believe that it's that uncommon among students who are out of high school you know that college age

[00:20:23] to experiment with that and again not that I'm saying that it makes it right but I didn't ever really

[00:20:29] consider that to be a red flag in terms of pill usage which is what ultimately caused

[00:20:36] accurate a pathway. I know that people probably think that I'm naive thinking this but I really

[00:20:41] don't think that he had done that I saw him the Sunday before he passed away on a Thursday and

[00:20:48] he did fall asleep on my couch but like didn't seem like he was under the influence of anything

[00:20:53] so I do think that there were some drug use when I'm talking about drug use I mean marijuana

[00:20:59] but I don't really think that this situation with pill happened it could have this could have

[00:21:05] been his first time or I would say the very short term on prior to his passing. Can you tell us

[00:21:13] what happened on January 19th 2023? Yes so this actually starts on January 18th. The back

[00:21:22] cat's in front over he lived with my dad and I my dad was taking care of him because his mother is

[00:21:28] currently incarcerated for some drug issues as well. So he lived with my dad he's lived with my dad

[00:21:34] for I would say 10 or 11 years my dad my sister and back lived with him and he had a few friends

[00:21:41] over and my dad indicated that it was about like three or three thirty maybe in the morning and

[00:21:49] my dad is falling asleep in the chair downstairs and he kind of heard that you know they were getting

[00:21:54] loud and it was way past time to like wrap it up and go to bed and my dad said okay exactly

[00:21:59] you need to get these people out of here and it's time you like you need to get some sleep.

[00:22:03] So from what I understand his friends went home he went upstairs and went to sleep my dad

[00:22:09] woke up in the morning and you know one about his day he was at home all day when you go to sleep

[00:22:15] at 3 30 in the morning or even a couple hours later after he shoots the people out of the house

[00:22:19] it's not like a 19 year old to be waking up right and early so my dad ended up you know watching

[00:22:25] when we were all TV and taking a nap and when he woke up from his nap he thought that he needed to

[00:22:30] go upstairs and check on back and the way my dad explained he walked in and back was I'm sorry

[00:22:38] back was sitting in his chair in his like desk chair with his computer and his head was pulled

[00:22:44] back his eyes were open and my dad said that he touched his neck and knew right away that he had passed away

[00:22:51] at that point he went downstairs and called 911 and just explained that like he knew that he was

[00:22:58] but they he just sent over the police and at that point the like I'm not sure what events

[00:23:07] events transpired at that point. I had worked I'm an assistant principal and I had worked a normal

[00:23:12] school day. I had an event after school and I drove home and I actually had called that

[00:23:19] on the way home this was about 5 30 and didn't get an answer. I didn't think anything of it.

[00:23:23] My son was with his dad that night and so I was hung by myself and went to sleep relatively

[00:23:28] early I'm an early riser so early to bed as well and I looked at my I just happened to like grab

[00:23:33] my phone and look at it and my son said he said he texted what's going on? Anson and Uncle

[00:23:38] and you're trying to get into the house and you're not answering and my aunt and uncle had called

[00:23:43] and they texted and she said come to the door and let me in so I went downstairs and I opened

[00:23:48] the door and as soon as I opened the door I said please tell me if there's nothing wrong with my dad

[00:23:52] that was my first instinct. I thought that something was wrong with him and she kind of like I remember

[00:23:57] her pushing through the door and she said the dad's okay but the athlete passed away and then

[00:24:03] I just could not believe it in that moment. It's like my point to add and my sister and just

[00:24:09] everyone like my four aunt and uncle then had to come over and deliver the news to me because they

[00:24:14] didn't want to tell me on the phone. Like just absolutely collapsed and did not believe that that

[00:24:20] was gone. I just the days afterwards I just kept thinking like this can't be real this can't be

[00:24:27] real and at that point I was able to go and stay with me to see my dad and my brother and we just

[00:24:35] cried and kind of made a plan a game plan to the next day and how we would proceed with like

[00:24:40] arrangement and things like that and just you know spending time together and

[00:24:45] at that point you know we didn't know what had happened but they did it was

[00:24:50] family but it was some type of overdose. I'm just so sorry for you and your family Melanie that

[00:24:56] you went that you all went through this together you can just hearing this story you can hear the

[00:25:00] ripple effects of just this absolute tragedy and this loss of this young man and how it affects

[00:25:08] everybody in the family. I wanted to ask you you mentioned that there was an early assumption

[00:25:16] that this could have been some kind of overdose when did it become clear and how was that conveyed

[00:25:21] to your family that fentanyl had something to do and you know played played this role in Zachary's death.

[00:25:29] There were suspicions of fentanyl from the very beginning just because it's such an epidemic in our

[00:25:35] country one of his one of Zachary's friends had contacted my dad I think I'm not sure who

[00:25:42] contacted who first if my dad said that he had passed away or or he reached out because he couldn't

[00:25:47] get a hold of Zach I'm not sure like the logistics of how that happened but he said I think that Zach

[00:25:52] had and what I remember him saying is I think Zach had a big pill and I'm not really even sure

[00:25:58] what big pill meant but at that point I think that the investigator the police officer the detective

[00:26:04] that was on the scene like was clued into the fact that that was kind of thrown about and I think

[00:26:10] we just assumed that it would be either I don't know that we even said fentanyl at the beginning

[00:26:15] I'm just not really sure that I remember that but it was clear about 10 weeks after he passed

[00:26:21] we got the autopsy and the cost college report and it was ruled as an accidental overdose and he did

[00:26:28] test positive for fentanyl. Did you even know what fentanyl was at that point? I did I have heard

[00:26:36] of fentanyl I have read about fentanyl and I feel like every time I open my news app on my

[00:26:42] phone it's like X amount of pills used from here this many pounds of fentanyl powder used

[00:26:47] feel like we share about it all the time I did not feel like it was something that would

[00:26:52] ever like affect me or my family but I did I have heard of fentanyl.

[00:26:58] I want to kind of zoom out into some broader questions about fentanyl and then we can go back

[00:27:05] to what happened to Zachary but you yourself have really taken it upon yourself to familiarize

[00:27:11] yourself with this issue can you can you speak to that as part of being affected by what happened

[00:27:17] to Zachary? Yeah I do know that just in this year alone almost 20 million

[00:27:25] that fentanyl pills have been seized by the Drug Enforcement Administration in addition to that

[00:27:30] like 1,200 pounds of fentanyl powder and when we're talking about like a deadly lethal dose of

[00:27:36] fentanyl we're talking about like two milligrams is about that dose and if you think of in terms

[00:27:43] of like what that looks like if you sharpen a pencil that amount of fentanyl could fit on the tip

[00:27:48] of a pen. So we're talking about a tiny tiny bit of powder and all of these pills that have been

[00:27:57] seized and all of this powder that has been seized. When we talk about like what has been seized at

[00:28:02] this point in 2024 we're talking about like close to 7 million like lethal doses which is so alarming

[00:28:12] it's just so scary to think like if this is the amount that has been seized how much more

[00:28:16] it's still out there I know that these are being sold in the form of pills that look like in

[00:28:22] Zachary's case it was a perk of set but you know hydrocodone any like Zannacht any kind of like

[00:28:30] benzodiazepine opioid people are manufacturing you know fake pills and they're spent on end of pill.

[00:28:38] So it's just really alarming how it's easy it is for someone to get their hands on these

[00:28:43] or also it's alarming to think that somebody could be you know people have opioid

[00:28:49] confused disorders and they could be seeking out you know pain pills for legitimate pain

[00:28:54] and they think that they're getting one thing but turns out it's waste with fentanyl I think it's

[00:28:59] just so scary and I know the DEA has like one pill I think the like slow wind is like one pill can kill

[00:29:06] and it really is true like it can be one pill like that all it takes to end someone's life and

[00:29:11] it's so scary to me. It's terrifying and and you know so my understanding and correct me from

[00:29:18] wrong but fentanyl is essentially a synthetic opioid that yeah that's very very dangerous.

[00:29:26] One question that people may be wondering is if it's so dangerous and it's so potent why are drug

[00:29:34] dealers and drug manufacturers even playing around with it given that you know it can it can kill

[00:29:41] very quickly and very easily more so than many other drugs. You know this is a question that I've

[00:29:47] had for a long time even prior to that path and like why would you put fentanyl in some I know

[00:29:52] like even in our area right now it's been um linked to like cocaine like if people are

[00:29:59] lacing cocaine with it and I just didn't understand like if you're a drug dealer and you're selling

[00:30:04] like you're in the business of selling drugs why would you sell something that could kill someone

[00:30:08] because you're losing customer that's what I've always thought in my mind. Yeah and bringing the

[00:30:12] heat down you know you're bringing the police investigation around but I think what it is is the

[00:30:16] intention is not to kill um I think when we're talking about like our local drug dealers um the intention

[00:30:22] is not to kill but the intentional it provides like a better high I suppose um and yet people have

[00:30:28] done this drug. I do believe though there is an intention to kill like based on like where this

[00:30:32] is being exported in from um and I don't need to make this a political life thing I know that we

[00:30:38] know that we know that there are you know fentanyl seizures at the border coming through the border

[00:30:43] and I'm not necessarily saying that it's from our southern border where it's coming I think it could

[00:30:47] be overseas and probably is manufactured overseas um but I think the point is to get a higher high

[00:30:55] because then you have long-term customers that are addicted they want to say they want to get

[00:31:00] that feeling so I don't really think that like from our like a local area there's no to kill.

[00:31:07] That makes sense it's it's more of a reckless negligence sort of thing and you know a business

[00:31:13] decision that that goes very bad because it is so dangerous. It is a typical that people who are

[00:31:18] buying the fentanyl lace pills like are not even aware that that's what they're getting?

[00:31:24] I think I believe that to be true that you're not aware you think that you're buying like I said

[00:31:29] it put the fact hydrocodone on a Zammac and it's late or you think you're buying cocaine and it's

[00:31:34] I don't think that people are actively I think there are some people that are actively seeking what

[00:31:38] they call press um pills amount is a pill that contains fentanyl but I don't believe I believe

[00:31:44] that there are many many of these thefts that are occurring and people don't even know that they're

[00:31:48] laced with fentanyl. Your families had to go through the justice system side of this up until recently

[00:31:55] and we'll talk more about the specifics of Zachary's case in a moment but why is it so hard to

[00:32:03] enforce the laws around this and to get a conviction even or have any consequences in a fentanyl

[00:32:11] related death? You know I think it's so hard because it's really hard to pinpoint who the person is

[00:32:17] that is obtaining these drugs for the person who ends up dying. I think that what things like

[00:32:23] you know snapchat and all of these weird ways of communicating that teenagers and kids use

[00:32:28] you know where they believe and actually it's not true like when you erase those things and they

[00:32:32] disappear it's not really gone forever but they believe that to be the case. I just don't think

[00:32:37] that there is I don't think that our law enforcement has been means by which to pursue every one of

[00:32:45] these cases. In our case we're lucky that there was a great detective assigned to the case and he

[00:32:51] was relentless in his you know searching of the phone and the records and things like that to find

[00:32:56] out where Zachary got these pills but even in terms of like findings and gave the pills to

[00:33:02] Zachary like where did that person get the pills from and where's the big it's like it's just so

[00:33:06] much bigger than like not to say that it's not important to hold people accountable because I do

[00:33:12] believe it it is but it's so much bigger than just what we have here on our local like scale I guess.

[00:33:18] Yes it's like a murder happens and it's horrifying but typically unless this

[00:33:24] some sort of organized crime element one person is responsible or you know two people whatever

[00:33:30] and that's it but this is the situation where people are dying and there's like a chain

[00:33:36] of accountability or culpability rather. And I think we get to a point two where like people are

[00:33:45] not going to like tell on the person they got it from because they don't want there to be fall

[00:33:50] out for themselves and their family or whatever so people would just rather stay quiet and kind

[00:33:55] to take the consequences as they may. So we never get to those like big fish so to speak.

[00:34:02] You mentioned you had some very good investigators working on this case can you tell us about

[00:34:07] the investigation and what they uncovered and how they uncovered it? I can so obviously with my

[00:34:14] dad you know finding Zachary it was a it was very hard for him to like be part of that. He was

[00:34:21] you know cooperative of course but like I think that he I'm the person in our family and our

[00:34:26] immediate family with my brother and sister and my dad that like kind of takes charge and is on

[00:34:30] the caretaker of the family and so I was in communication with the detective and my dad to an

[00:34:36] extent but he just you know at the beginning just kept saying we're going to figure it out. We

[00:34:43] have a phone is going to take some time but he he spoke with me one day and I told him about an

[00:34:48] interaction that I had four days after Zach pass on his friends came over there were three friends

[00:34:56] that came over and they had initially reached out to me via tech his very bad friend with someone

[00:35:02] who had come to my house on Christmas many times he was at my house swimming like some of them

[00:35:06] I knew very well and he reached out and said that they want to sit him over and show me some things

[00:35:11] and provide closure. They came to my house I asked him like straight up do you know who I said do not

[00:35:19] tell me but do you know who Zach out this code from and he said yes and so that was something

[00:35:24] that I shared with the investigator and he pursued it and he did have Zach's phone he was able to

[00:35:30] retrieve text messages and I'm not sure I don't really remember the modes by which they communicated. I

[00:35:35] do I think it was just like regular text message and again even regular text messages can be deleted

[00:35:42] so he was this investigator it took a few months it took like three months until there was an

[00:35:47] arrest in the case but he was able to pinpoint you know when the pill was delivered where where

[00:35:53] he got the pill how much the pill cost who gave the pill and interestingly enough they were

[00:35:57] able to kind of triangulate the cell phone data to show that this person left his home went to

[00:36:04] another location to get the pill the phone linked up there was a brief phone call that happened

[00:36:10] some text messages following and so that was really interesting to me to see like kind of the

[00:36:14] background like the technical piece with the cell phone component how they were able to like

[00:36:20] pinpoint that this person is actually the person he got the pill from. Wow it sounds like they did

[00:36:25] a really commendable job what agency was that that was taking this on. It was through Hammond

[00:36:31] Police Department detective Reardon who I will never be able to say enough great things about

[00:36:37] he was so patient with all of my phone calls and questions and things like that he did a really great

[00:36:41] job and then the person who was responsible for the cell phone it was actually someone that I went

[00:36:46] to elementary school with detective Chris Goody and they were just wonderful people. That is

[00:36:51] wild that you went to elementary school with him but I mean it just sounds like they really put

[00:36:56] the resources and the manpower necessary into looking into this which is great and unfortunately

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[00:38:51] You know there is a level of closure that comes with figuring out you know really what really

[00:38:55] did happen as soon as there was an arrest made in the case you know the very next day I went to

[00:39:00] the county courthouse and got the probable cause after day of it and was able to read through

[00:39:04] the story of how they events transpired that was really helpful to me and in both the feelings

[00:39:10] of anger for sure regarding the person that he got the pill from and I can you know delve more

[00:39:16] into that if you would like me to but I was able to like read I'm just like such an information

[00:39:23] gatherer and being able to read like how things transpired was really helpful to me and so again

[00:39:28] I'm just so grateful for the work that the detectives did on this case. Absolutely I guess yeah

[00:39:33] can you tell us some of the information that was in that probable cause affidavit about the man who

[00:39:38] sold the pill to a Zach. So unfortunately this is not just I think this is the message that I'd

[00:39:46] like to send like teenagers I don't think that maybe teenagers listen to this but their parents do

[00:39:50] and they can share this. The hardest thing in this whole case is that this was not some

[00:39:57] faceless person who sold Zach this pill. Zach I have said a million times is not absolved from

[00:40:05] any wrongdoing with this. Zach was seeking out a pill he was seeking out a purpose that pill and

[00:40:11] he we have to like you know share that he does have some responsibility he did not have to seek

[00:40:16] out the pill he did not have to take the pill but the person who sold him the pill was his best friend

[00:40:22] Presley. Presley and Zach were as they could see say met in first grade in the monster schools

[00:40:29] they were inseparable like I said Presley had been to my house a number of times on the evening's

[00:40:33] on Christmas. So I am I know that he sent you know oftentimes in the summer would come over

[00:40:40] a go over to Zach's house and he would you know be there for several days and just like hanging out

[00:40:45] they were like brothers they were so close and so to know that this could happen as a result of

[00:40:53] something that you've got from your best friend I think that's really one of the serious things

[00:40:58] for me and one of the messages that I would like to send like it's not just a faceless drug dealer

[00:41:03] it's not somebody in the back of an alley this can be somebody that you are close to that you've

[00:41:08] known forever and that you you know love they left each other like brothers so that was really hard

[00:41:15] I remember finding out that it was Presley who gave him the pill my dad was planning to stop by

[00:41:22] my place of work and he came in and he was crying and I just said you know what's wrong dad

[00:41:29] he said well I just got a call from detective Reardon and Presley was arrested for selling

[00:41:33] Zachary's the drug and we were just kind of shocked I was also angry the day that Presley came

[00:41:40] over with our friends he had told me part of the providing closure as he indicated was that he

[00:41:47] told me that Zach he believed that that committed suicide and we later found out that the

[00:41:52] information that he showed me they were some fabricated text messages and things like that

[00:41:56] it was not suicide so I understand you know looking back that he was doing that to kind of cover

[00:42:02] his tracks I think he knew that I'm a person that wants all the information and I would be

[00:42:06] poking around if these investigators didn't so I think that was like information that was given

[00:42:11] to me to kind of say like okay that's off you know what happened so I was absolutely shocked

[00:42:17] that Presley was the person that was going to be held accountable for this

[00:42:21] that's so horrifying and I think you summed it up so well like we we want to think that

[00:42:26] the people who can harm us are just like bad or like you know malevolent or or intentionally trying

[00:42:32] to cause harm but with a drug like fentanyl where it's so potent and so dangerous it really can be

[00:42:39] someone who doesn't want to hurt you and it's close to you but just is caught up in this

[00:42:46] drug world and just you know it happens but that that is so scary you can't

[00:42:51] the trust that gets built up between friends especially at that age horrible situation like this can

[00:42:57] can happen yeah and I think that's the thing that I also need to say is that this I don't believe

[00:43:03] it Presley did this intentionally I don't believe that Presley thought that he was going to deliver

[00:43:08] this pill to Zach and he was gonna wake up the next morning and Zach was gonna have you know

[00:43:14] not wake up the next morning I guess is what I should say I don't think that he this was not

[00:43:18] intentional and Zach did trust him and I think they probably trusted him trusted each other too much

[00:43:25] what what happened to Presley so that passed away on January 19th three months later on April 19th

[00:43:30] Presley was charged with a level one felony dealing an narcotic resulting in death how it was

[00:43:37] explained to me that the only thing kind of higher than that in the state of Indiana would be like a

[00:43:41] murder charge so with a level one felony like what he was charged with he was facing 20 to 30 years

[00:43:47] in prison I think there have been five court cases besides his like initial hearing that I've

[00:43:53] attended um I've talked with the prosecutor but he was charged with this felony um and was working

[00:44:00] through a plea agreement I don't believe that 20 to 30 years or this situation involving his

[00:44:09] best friend was appropriate I don't believe that he should do time in the DOC I am of the mindset that

[00:44:16] the substance use disorders that we have in our country are not going to be self-fying

[00:44:21] persaration they're going to be self-sized rehabilitation mental health services um just helping

[00:44:27] someone get to the root of the substance use disorder so I had talked with the prosecutor and I

[00:44:32] didn't believe that there needed to be some accountability the last that I spoke with the prosecutor

[00:44:37] they were working on a plea agreement he probably would have clad down to a level five or level

[00:44:42] six felony we were talking about maybe um in voluntary manslaughter which I was comfortable with

[00:44:48] I felt like that at least gave a charge that represented the fact that somebody's life had been taken

[00:44:56] it will say that throughout this whole time my dad has been very vocal about not wanting

[00:45:01] personally to have a felony charge he wanted him to be charged with a misdemeanor he did not feel

[00:45:05] like he should have his life ruined um with felony charges I feel like that's important to say

[00:45:11] I think the level of compassion that my dad had um and still has is just remarkable and I

[00:45:18] pray all the time that I can get to that point someday I'm not there yet but he just has been so

[00:45:23] forgiving and just so compassionate um I don't think that was a possibility in terms of like

[00:45:29] the justice system they were not going to plea down to a misdemeanor charge but that is really

[00:45:34] incredible that your dad found that place of forgiveness yes subsequently um the last time

[00:45:42] that I saw pretly was in court just a couple of weeks ago we had not ever spoken since the day

[00:45:48] that he came to my house he did send me a strand of text messages at one point um in March after

[00:45:54] that past indicating that he was going to rehab and then he would contact me when he got back

[00:45:59] when he got back he was arrested we have not talked when he when I interacted with him in court

[00:46:04] I I've been seated on the opposite side of the courtroom as him um but I did feel that it was

[00:46:09] important for me to go there and kind of see what's happening with the case and talk with the

[00:46:12] prosecutor um but I received a call from my dad on Sunday of this week indicating that um

[00:46:20] he had talked with pressley's mom and pressley was found dead on Sunday morning

[00:46:25] since then we had some conversations and it sounds like this was and we don't this is not

[00:46:30] sometimes but we um his mom is indicated that she believes that it was that fight to a side

[00:46:36] she has shared that um pressley had a balloon release one back past and he had these sweatshirts

[00:46:42] made with that picture on the back and some buttons like pins that you wear um and she had indicated

[00:46:47] that pressley path wearing the sweatshirt um with that picture on it and with have had the button

[00:46:52] with them um she shared that he cried every day he missed back terribly and um he just couldn't

[00:47:00] go on and so that is so heartbreaking um I have been vocal about the need for him to you know

[00:47:07] have some type of consequence I wrote a victim impact statements several months ago and one

[00:47:13] of the things that I said is that I didn't believe that the you know 20 to 30 years sentence was

[00:47:18] appropriate because he did have a life sentence and it was something that he had to think about

[00:47:22] every single day and so unfortunately this is just a tragic tragic story all the way around

[00:47:31] absolutely I mean just the gosh just the idea that another young man now has died

[00:47:38] possibly over the guilt he felt um yeah and um it sounds like it was what it sounds like he used

[00:47:44] the funnel pill as well to do this we obviously won't have confirmation of that until

[00:47:50] technology comes back and think about the status what it's expected

[00:47:54] this is I mean it just it just underscores how much of a scourge fentanyl is um the fact that

[00:48:00] this had such a and what was already a huge tragedy then had perhaps the most tragic

[00:48:06] outcome you know even even after there was some insight into what happened

[00:48:12] I agree and it's so unnecessary uh hudges I wanted to ask you um would you be willing to

[00:48:20] read your victim impact statement on the show now that unfortunately there's not really going

[00:48:26] to be an opportunity to do so otherwise I would and I would say that I am aware you know I

[00:48:33] after press late past um you know there I was left here upon this and I there there's a point in

[00:48:41] this where I express a anger and I felt like it was appropriate you know to kind of I didn't want

[00:48:47] to tweak this after he passed um just because I knew we were recording today so this

[00:48:52] I wrote probably um at the end of last year the beginning of this year so it's been a couple of

[00:48:57] months but I would love to read it um I was planning on saying this in court um on his sensing date

[00:49:05] luckily there are two dates that I replay in my mind on a daily basis January 19th

[00:49:09] the day I found out that devastating news that my dear nephew's wife has been taken too soon

[00:49:14] on that day and the days following I wrestled how I would tell his mother that her only child was gone

[00:49:20] I tried thinking of how I would have to tell my son but as cousin was no longer here to laugh at him

[00:49:26] support him at his football games and commiserate with him about all things family related

[00:49:31] I sobbed for days thinking of my dad, Zack Papa finding his grandson's wife was body

[00:49:37] and thinking about he was hurting so deeply as the child who lived with him for well over a decade

[00:49:42] was gone forever my god thinking of my dad watching his son his two daughters and his son

[00:49:48] breathed a loss of our Zachary and deal with his own face as well I tried to make sweet angel Zachary

[00:49:54] and put him ahead how we would ever be able to go on without him the other date is exactly three

[00:50:00] months later April 19th I vividly remember my dad walking into my office to tell me that you

[00:50:05] have been charged as a result of Zachary's death he was crying when he told me he immediately

[00:50:11] cried for you too I felt such an immense sadness knowing you were sitting in a jail cell when you

[00:50:15] had just lost your best friend since third grade three months before and then I became angry

[00:50:21] this is a type of anger I've never experienced in one that I've had to work very hard to keep it

[00:50:26] bay I was sad for you but furious because you knew the whole time what happened to Zach and

[00:50:31] every detail that went along with it I was angry because of your life to cover up what you knew

[00:50:36] about his dad you came over to my house four days after Zach passed and told me with certainty

[00:50:41] that he died by suicide you showed me the text messages that I only now know were fabricated which

[00:50:46] indicated that Zach wanted to die and that he ended his own life none of that was true you sat

[00:50:52] with me while I cried I fed you and your friends dinner and you told my son you spoke out for him

[00:50:57] something you want to have a living cousin you knew in that moment that your actions along with

[00:51:05] the choices of course took his only cousin and my only nephew for ten whole weeks until receiving

[00:51:11] the autopsy and toxicology report and even several weeks more when the truth about your involvement

[00:51:17] was uncovered I lived an absolute agony not understanding how I couldn't see the signs that

[00:51:22] Zachary wanted to take his own life I lived with guilt that I should have picked up on the signs

[00:51:27] I should have done more I should have left him harder that's 70 days of crying and deep depression

[00:51:34] that were not only caused by Zach actions but exacerbated by you and your actions

[00:51:39] and yeah firstly in spite of all that the night of eight April 18th I prayed for you again

[00:51:45] I prayed for Zach I prayed for your mom and his I prayed for your dad and my dad I prayed for

[00:51:50] your family and mine and for the friends of you and Zachary who would be touched by the circumstances

[00:51:55] surrounding his death yet again we had already lost our baby and now your family could potentially

[00:52:00] be losing their two albeit to the criminal justice system the bible says an eye for an eye some

[00:52:06] might say one life lost and this piece Zach can only be repaid with another life lost this time

[00:52:12] be a year in incarceration Zach can no longer go on to live his life so why should you be able

[00:52:18] to continue about your daily life as you have the only thing I can lean on is that through faith I've

[00:52:22] been taught to love and forgive and I also believe that an eye for an eye makes the whole world's line

[00:52:28] Your honor as you contemplate the sentence successfully for delivering a control substance that

[00:52:33] resulted in the unnecessary devastating theft of my nephew Zachary I ask that you have mercy on him

[00:52:39] I know Zach would not want Presley to spend an extended amount of time in prison or anytime it

[00:52:45] all for that matter and I don't believe that's appropriate and need circumstances as an elementary

[00:52:50] school administrator and parent I know that if I take away a child's recess or put my own child

[00:52:56] in time out that does little good I have more of an impact if I counsel and urge support and

[00:53:00] provide interventions to get to the heart of the matter and Presley's case substance use disorder

[00:53:06] and reckless behavior both of which I believe can be overcome with substance abuse education

[00:53:10] intensive mental health and grief counseling and a lengthy probation period in which the use of

[00:53:15] drugs is prohibited and running with a new and different group of supportive friends is encouraged

[00:53:21] I would really like to emphasize the needs for mental health counseling especially focusing on grief

[00:53:27] In the end no matter what you decide Presley will be given a life sentence one that we cannot give

[00:53:32] or take it away his life sentence is having to wake up every day and remember that his actions

[00:53:38] unintentionally took the life of a child's best friend Presley I hope you think about Zachary

[00:53:43] every single day I don't want you to think about January 18th and 19th though I want you to think

[00:53:49] about the 7,259 days that proceeded that I hope that Zach's memory as well as his loss can help

[00:53:55] you stay clean I hope you honor him not by taking a pill smoking or drinking but by getting your

[00:54:00] life together and being an advocate for people in your situation and in Zach I hope you can live

[00:54:05] a life of love not of one not one of bitterness and contempt I know our family will do the same

[00:54:11] nothing we ever do will bring Zach back but you have the opportunity to honor him and create a

[00:54:16] legacy of your own by positively impacting our community you alone cannot solve all the problems

[00:54:22] surrounding criminal crisis or substance use disorders but talking about it and about Zach can

[00:54:27] ensure that people you encounter learn from this mistake and that they don't allow it to happen

[00:54:32] you can also inspire others with your story of Zach so that it is prevented in part because of you

[00:54:39] you have the potential to stay alive I forgive you Presley I love you and I wish you a successful

[00:54:46] recovery in a life of peace that's what my family wants that's what I want and I know that's what Zach

[00:54:52] was lost that was incredibly powerful Melanie and I'm just very sorry that you never got a chance

[00:55:03] to convey that to Presley I do wish they would have heard that I wish I would have said it to them

[00:55:10] but I think that the message that I'm hoping that I can share is that it's more than just

[00:55:17] you know this drug use it's more than just like sending somebody away their other you know means by

[00:55:23] which we can help this crisis and I also although I had and still probably to an extent have so much

[00:55:31] anger like love and forgiveness is really what counts and that's really what's gonna make the difference

[00:55:36] and I'm just it's just it was just beautiful um and just yeah that's just incredibly powerful um

[00:55:43] I'm sorry I'm emotional um no it was it was yeah I mean I think I think what you're saying though

[00:55:51] speaks to how how maybe some families do find a way out of this the devastating effects of

[00:55:59] this crisis and maybe how we can kind of come together to try to combat it um you know

[00:56:06] family by family in case by case because it seems like um systemic changes is elusive at this point

[00:56:14] it doesn't I think that being vocal about it for me it's been so important I'm sure that there are

[00:56:20] people who want me to stop talking about my experience with Sentinel my experience of living

[00:56:25] right now to you but I just feel so compelled to talk about it all the time because there's such a

[00:56:32] stigma re like surrounding substance use disorder that I just want people to know that they're not

[00:56:38] alone and if I can share the story with somebody who um you know maybe they know someone who's

[00:56:43] going through the same thing or lost someone and they could say oh I know this this um person at my

[00:56:49] school or this person that that I work with or this person you know in my community and she'll talk

[00:56:54] to you like I am so happy to talk to anybody about this and I just want people to know that

[00:56:59] they're not alone and I would love to be able to somehow impact our community to erase this

[00:57:04] stigma behind substance use disorder um and I think my focus is not so much on people who are

[00:57:12] using drugs but the people that are surrounding the people that are using drugs and just being a

[00:57:17] supportive person because I know how hard this is um unfortunately this is not my only issue

[00:57:23] and my only situation in my life that has um surrounded like drug use but I also have my sister

[00:57:30] who's currently incarcerated for some substance abuse and then somebody else who I love

[00:57:35] fearfully um that has been in recovery from substance use disorder um but I've experienced you

[00:57:41] know coming back from a number of non-fatal overdoses I've been part of that support team as well

[00:57:46] and so unfortunately my experiences are great um in number and I feel like I can advocate for

[00:57:54] people who will have been in or will be in my absolutely and just I mean I think what people need

[00:58:00] to understand is that while Zachary's loss is is unique and uniquely painful for your family

[00:58:07] what happened to your family is not unique this is this is absolutely something that is ongoing

[00:58:13] for many people and will continue to happen and when people are staying silent because of a stigma

[00:58:19] or not wanting to be judged or not wanting to have people say well you know they were an addict so

[00:58:23] you know that's what happens then the the worst it gets because people are not equipped to deal with

[00:58:30] it or to see the signs or to try to intervene and educate children you know just before they even

[00:58:36] get into a situation like this I agree and that's the thing I just want people to know that although

[00:58:42] there's a big month surrounding it you are not alone there are unfortunately so many of us in

[00:58:47] this club that we have not chosen to be a part of and I would encourage people to reach out and

[00:58:52] talk about their situation and lean on lean on people I am so grateful for my family my friends

[00:58:59] my co-workers and the support system that I have and um I just hope that I'm able to pay it forward

[00:59:05] for what they all have done for me you know in the future what's someone else.

[00:59:10] I have a few big picture questions to sort of wrap it up um one is what changes do you feel could

[00:59:16] be made to our justice system or laws or anything like that that could better help families

[00:59:25] reeling from a fentanyl related death or could even prevent deaths.

[00:59:29] You know I have a lot of time feelings about the justice system one of which is that I again

[00:59:35] don't believe that incarceration is the answer for people who are caught in possession of drugs

[00:59:41] or who are feeling drugs I really believe that there's a different modes by which we can

[00:59:46] rehabilitate and I wish that we can pursue that. I do know that in Lake County which is where I

[00:59:51] live um there is drug court which is an extensive program I don't know all of the ins and outs of

[00:59:58] it but I know that people who are in recovery but have been charged with some types

[01:00:05] of crime um they report to drug court and they have to you know for somebody take drugs test they

[01:00:11] have to hold down the job they have to be held accountable um for their daily actions and I think

[01:00:16] that that is a step in the right direction however I wish we could intervene prior to getting

[01:00:23] involved with the criminal justice system. I think that the mental health you know resources

[01:00:27] in our area at least and probably you know nationwide are just not what we need it to be

[01:00:32] I know that in terms of like a medical assisted detox facility the closest one to where I live is

[01:00:38] about an hour or so away the closest one in Indiana where you can actually have inpatient detox um

[01:00:45] I just think that we kind of need to amp up some of those things so that we can get to a point where

[01:00:50] we're not we're not headed in the just in the in the direction of the criminal justice system

[01:00:55] where we can intervene prior to that um I know that there are a number of like harm reduction

[01:01:02] initiatives um including you know clean syringes for people who are using drugs um

[01:01:07] intravenously um I know that they're like meloxone um which is an opioid antagonist you give it to

[01:01:14] someone if they're having an overdose and it's able to reverse the effects of opioid that is

[01:01:20] available in some areas I know you can go to a pharmacy and get it but there are just

[01:01:24] centuries and machines um like machines that will dispense these in some communities um

[01:01:30] and I just think compassion and understanding and not digmitizing people who have substance use

[01:01:37] disorder will go a long way and helping them feel that they can you know seek treatment

[01:01:43] and seek help when they're ready to do so you mentioned that you're now sort of in a club

[01:01:48] that you never wanted to be a part of I wonder what advice you would have to other people

[01:01:55] who suddenly find themselves in this tragic situation I think I think for me like reading and

[01:02:03] obtaining as much information as I can has been helpful um but also connecting with other people

[01:02:09] I don't know anyone else um who has you know um experience the situation that we have

[01:02:17] with someone so close providing the pill I do work with a person who lost her brother to

[01:02:24] an overdose and she she has been just a wonderful source of support for me sometimes I just need to

[01:02:31] like say hey I'm thinking about this like did you experience this and she's just been wonderful

[01:02:36] another co-worker who you know has a situation that I won't talk about um on here but she's been

[01:02:42] a great um a great person and you know again people who have their lives have not been touched

[01:02:49] by drugs at all then I've been able to kind of talk to I just think you have to lean on the people

[01:02:53] that are around you and know that people love and care for you um I think in any situation when

[01:02:59] someone passes away um you're bomb-barred with love and support you know and new so the initial days

[01:03:05] and weeks to come but it's a couple months down the line and it's six months down the line and it's

[01:03:10] a year down the line um and I would say just continuing to reach out for support and also if you

[01:03:16] have an experience it's just supporting the people that you know have um that has been probably

[01:03:22] the most impactful from me has been my relationship with other people in terms of the immense grief

[01:03:29] that you felt since Zachary's passing how do you cope how do you live with that how do you kind of

[01:03:36] keep Zachary's memory alive even though he's not here anymore to kind of reach all those milestones

[01:03:43] going into his 20s um because of this tragedy I think this is the hardest part for me you know

[01:03:51] my son is 15 and he is at the point where many 15 year olds are where he doesn't really want

[01:03:56] to react emotionally he doesn't want to talk about things um but I'm I have probably picked up on a

[01:04:01] talker and I want a process that I want to talk about it and I have plenty of people to do that with

[01:04:05] but we do some things to honor Zach Zach loved Portillo's cake and so on his birthday you know the

[01:04:11] first year that he passed and on the anniversary of his death um we have Portillo's cake um so we do

[01:04:16] you know little things like that but I think for me hard has been grief process that has been so

[01:04:22] hard to just process is the fact that I feel like I have nothing I have to think about back every

[01:04:30] day I want to think about Zach every day but I feel like I have to be sad about it every day because

[01:04:35] if I'm not and if I'm not doing something to actively talk about him then his memory is not going

[01:04:42] to go on and I feel like if I'm not talking about him or thinking about him like how do I know

[01:04:48] that someone else isn't I just want him to be thought about you know every single day and I

[01:04:52] think that's really hard it's hard to like you know we're 13 months past this and I don't think

[01:04:58] that there's that a day that I haven't cried about him or miss him and I know the grief is

[01:05:03] a process and people fool me right away like you'll never get over it but it will get easier

[01:05:09] and for a long time I thought like that was a lie and sometimes I still do it doesn't really

[01:05:16] get easier but it just gets um I think it just gets easier to cope with a little bit like I can

[01:05:23] have a conversation really not today without crying but in many aspects and many you know times

[01:05:28] I'm able to have a conversation without crying but I'm just so deeply emotionally touched by his

[01:05:35] passing and knowing that I'm never going to see him again that it sometimes seems impossible

[01:05:40] to go on um and again I'm just so grateful for the people that surround me and that have left me

[01:05:45] through this. Melanie we just so appreciate you and the work you're doing to kind of

[01:05:52] help other people who might be going through this by speaking on it and I I'm just so sorry again um

[01:06:00] but we but we appreciate you. Is there anything we didn't ask you about that you wanted to mention?

[01:06:05] You know I think that just I just want to emphasize again like the nook zone I think that that

[01:06:10] something that many people might not know about um and I would encourage people who um you know have

[01:06:18] loved ones um in their care that have opioid use disorder I would encourage people to have those

[01:06:26] on hand to seek it out from a pharmacy or or one of the places that dispenses those

[01:06:31] um I think that's something to have on hand um that really could save lives um I you know business

[01:06:38] owners um people who are just kind of traveling about the community you don't have to know

[01:06:42] someone who used opioids to be able to have that in your possession um and potentially save a

[01:06:47] life and that's something that I would like to emphasize absolutely and everyone as a community can

[01:06:53] can take a part in this and possibly have possibly spare family from losing somebody.

[01:06:58] Yes I just want to thank you um both for bringing some awareness to this and it so it's just

[01:07:06] seems such a massive endeavor to like make any impact on it but um again my message has been

[01:07:13] to talk about it and spread the word and hope that um you know what we do and what we talk about

[01:07:18] will impact and you know help others in the future so thank you so much for bringing an awareness

[01:07:23] to this on your podcast. Absolutely and then thank you again Melanie uh this has been this has been

[01:07:29] great and we just appreciate you sharing this with us. Thank you so much. Thanks.

[01:07:36] We want to sincerely thank Melanie we are so sorry for what she and her family have gone through

[01:07:42] and for what all families who've lost a loved one this way go through. Our hearts go out to press

[01:07:48] Lee Martinez de Young's family as well the fact that fentanyl took these two young lives away

[01:07:53] is just a horrendous tragedy. We hope that if you happen to have any young people in your life

[01:07:59] you take a bit of time to maybe talk to them it's normal for young people to experiment with

[01:08:04] illicit substances but fentanyl is a unique danger. It could make a single mistake a lethal one.

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